You may call me the interview queen..

Got a new job in rentals at the ski hill today. I'm happy to be working so close to home and somewhere that's basically my home away from home in the winter months, and I don't have to do shit until training in 2 weeks. Which means I can still go to Montreal next weekend.. yay! I can't wait to surprise the girls and show up at their door, not to mention Friday night they have a banquet so I can have the whole night to visit Shawn. God, I miss him. I'm starting to face the reality that we're going to have to "break up" for good, because working isn't going to leave me as much time to go away on the weekends like I used to. I wish I knew how he felt about our relationship instead of playing it cool all the time. I know we screwed it up last time by putting too much pressure on ourselves, but without knowing exactly how much he likes me I can only assume that after a month or so he'll get bored and find someone new to kiss and hug and hold. I know I won't, I know I can do it if we make that commitment, but I'm not sure if he's as strong or willing. I guess we have a lot of talking to do this weekend.
Last night I went to Nick's work Christmas party at the casino, and it was so much fun! I was incredibly late due to driving my sister and her friends somewhere at 4:30, But I made it just in time for dinner and I looked very hot. I can't remember the last time I put that much effort into looking good and whoa, did it ever pay off! Nick was drunk and crossing the very thin line between friends and flirting, and I was feeling seriously uncomfortable every time he touched me. I don't know what it is, but the second he touches me my body just tenses up and is almost repulsed by the feeling of his hands. I've had enough friends over the years turn into guys-who-want-more that I can see the signs and even if he denies it I know he wants me. But I couldn't want him less, which sounds terribly harsh but I have never been closer in friendship with a guy without feeling a single bit of romantic attraction to him. Shawn may be jealous, but he needn't be; when he touches me or when we're lying in bed together I feel like I could die and it would be okay because I'm so happy. I can't say I ever even really felt that way about Alex, even though I know he loved me and valued me for who I am I never felt completely attracted to him. Maybe I'm just shallow, but I could never watch Alex sleep and feel like the luckiest girl alive. With Shawn, I look at him and wonder what good thing I did in the world to make him want me, and still want me.
Okay, enough mushy mush. Now that I'm going to have a new job I can go buy some clothes and not feel guilty about spending my Roots paycheck!